Misunderstanding

This morning was the day I finally worked up the courage to start talking about my hopes and dreams relating to photography to my husband.  He’s always known I love it and he’s always known that if I could be or do anything in the world, this is it.  However, he had no idea that I was starting to think about it in terms of a new venture in life.  Over the past week, he’s seen me "doing my homework" and even commented encouragingly about me getting my material out again.  He knew I’d started a blog but he has yet to read it.  So, he knew quite a bit but I was still nervous to broach the subject with him.  I knew no one was reading this thing so this was safe, but when I told another living breathing human being, it was real.  Then I risk failure.

So, today over our Saturday morning coffee I began to speak of it – out loud.  That I was thinking of names for a business.  I asked his opinion about whether men would want a certain product I hoped to pitch.  That I wanted to practice on some friends and maybe build a word-of-mouth business.  He didn’t have much to say.  Actually, the silence was rather deafening to my ears.  I took his silence to mean that he a) didn’t think I was for real or b) didn’t think I could do it or c) didn’t think I’d ever do anything about it.  I was hurt that my partner in life didn’t believe in me.  That he didn’t immediately offer up big doses of encouragement.  I was angry that I’d just spent more attention to helping him decide what to do about a golf club that a friend might be interested in buying than he’d just spent discussing my dream.  When I reached the breaking point, I stood up and left the room so that he wouldn’t see my tears.  A few minutes later he came to find me and offered up an apology.  He was shocked to discover that I was crying – although I was too proud to look at him and confirm it.   A little while later, he asked me, "are you still mad at me?"  Not quite mad but not willing to discuss it in detail, I merely said, "yes."  "That’s too bad," he replied.  "I was planning to go buy you a new lens for your camera.  I knew you wanted one and I was trying to figure out how to get you out of my office this morning so I could pull up your wish list so that I’d know which one to go buy you.  I was going to bring it home and surprise you."

You see, all along he was supporting me and encouraging me, I was just wrapped up in what I thought it should look like.  Meanwhile he had his own way that he wished to express it to me.  Now, you may be asking yourself, "what is the point of her writing about this in her blog?!"  My point is this… just because it’s in your head and has been dancing around your brain for days, weeks or even years doesn’t mean that your spouse has had it on his/her radar all this time.  When you start to talk about it, give them some time to digest what you’ve said.  Don’t expect them to be dancing on the ceiling for you at the mere mention of it.  It’s not fair.  Give him/her the benefit of the doubt that they want to see you succeed in all things that you do and this one is no different.  Then give them the space to express their support the way they want to express it. 

In case you’re wondering, I got a new lens to my camera today.  (Insert HUGE cheesy grin here.)  He bought me the Canon EF 75-300mm zoom lens.  It’s a beauty!